FedEx/Kinkos: Well Mr. Megatron, I’ve looked over your resume and it looks like you are qualified to join our team here, but since the job entails working seamlessly with your other team members I just have to ask you some questions, ok?
Megatron: No problem, thank you for time and Energon… eh energy.
FedEx/Kinkos: Ok let’s start .What are your long-range goals and objectives?
Megatron: Long term? Well I would love to deplete this pathetic rock of all its raw energy, convert it to Energon and then continue my conquest of the galaxy.
FedEx/Kinkos: What are your short-range goals and objectives?
Megatron: Well I would just like to earn some good money, get some good workplace experience and of course maintain my GPA, I’m on scholarship you know.
FedEx/Kinkos: Yes, I read that. How do you plan to achieve your career goals?
Megatron: By crushing my opponent, weather it be that fool, Prime or that sniveling whelp Starscream! Oh, and by maintaining a focus on the companies overall goals and doing my best to keep those aligned with our customers.
FedEx/Kinkos: What are the most important rewards you expect in your career?
Megatron: POWER, ABSOLUTE POWER… and by that I mean the respect of my supervisors and co-workers.
FedEx/Kinkos: Why did you choose the career for which you are preparing?
Megatron: I’ll be honest at first I majored in Poli-Sci at my father’s behest, but as soon as I started taking the classes I fell in love with the rule of law, the IRON RULE OF ABSOLUTE LAW. But I am also minoring in French.
FedEx/Kinkos: What are your strengths, weaknesses, and interests?
Megatron: I hate this question.
FedEx/Kinkos: EVERYBODY does.
Megatron: That’s why you have to ask it though right? Ok, strengths. Let’s see, I am a leader. I am flexible, I mean, I change all the time, also I have a high-powered energy beam attached to my arm. Weaknesses, I can some times get obsessive, I am passionate and can be ruled by emotions, like my love of Energon and my hatred for Prime… interests, well I love playing B-Ball out in the yard and I currently am treasurer of the Art-Appreciation Society.
FedEx/Kinkos: How do you think a friend or professor who knows you well would describe you?
Megatron: Driven.
FedEx/Kinkos: Ok, I can see that. Uhm, describe a situation in which you had to work with a difficult person (another student, co-worker, customer, supervisor, etc.). How did you handle the situation? Is there anything you would have done differently in hindsight?
Megatron: Once, this is a few semesters ago, I teamed with Cobra Comander. It was awful, it was like you know looking at a crack mirror, all my faults but with none of my abilities… After seeking advice from my father, I ended up making sure each of us had clearly defined roles and that we were on the same page goal wise. If I could do it all over again, I guess I would maybe not been such a control freak, let him have a little more room to grow… oh and I wouldn’t have tried to double-cross him so early.
FedEx/Kinkos: How do you determine or evaluate success?
Megatron: George Sheehan once said, “Success means having the courage, the determination, and the will to become the person you believe you were meant to be.” I totally believe that at the end of the day you have to ask yourself, was I the best hand-gun and or maniacal killer robot I could be? If the answer is yes, than yeah, I call it a success.
FedEx/Kinkos: In what ways do you think you can make a contribution to our organization?
Megatron: Well let me ask you, do have a 40 foot tall mass of death and destruction behind the customer counter? Well with me you have an ultra advanced killing machine, which also speaks Spanish.
FedEx/Kinkos: Describe a contribution you have made to a project on which you worked.
Megatron: Well a few years ago, by that I mean 4 million years ago, the Autobots fled our home world of cybertron in their ship, the Ark. My task force was assigned to stop them. I not only lead the brainstorming sessions, I also used my laser cannon to blow a hole in the hull of the Ark to allow a boarding party to enter an kill as many of the Autobot scum as we could lay of cyberfingers on.
FedEx/Kinkos: What qualities should a successful manager possess?
Megatron: Confidence. Good listening skills. Laser cannon.
FedEx/Kinkos: Was there an occasion when you disagreed with a supervisor's decision or company policy? Describe how you handled the situation.
Megatron: Well the last leader of the Descepticons was a guy named Stanley, Middlebaum. He was all about peace talks, said that our war with the Autobots was bleeding cybertron dry of energon. I voiced my disagreement in a private meeting, transformed, shot him in the head, and then presented a united front to the rest of the Decepticons.
FedEx/Kinkos: What two or three accomplishments have given you the most satisfaction? Why?
Megeatron: Well with the help of Hot Rod I did manage to kill Prime… oh, I also won the Akron Corporate Cup, 10k.
FedEx/Kinkos: Describe your most rewarding college experience.
Megatron: Well academically it has been getting in to Wharton for my MBA, socially it was getting elected Pledge chair, TKE! TKE! TKE!
FedEx/Kinkos: What interests you about our product or service?
Megatron: You guys have a world class reputation for customer service, plus, I like planes.
FedEx/Kinkos: In what kind of work environment are you most comfortable?
Megatron: I work best in small groups; you know only three or four characters, so the plot doesn’t get bogged down by the 70 or so toys that are out there.
FedEx/Kinkos: How do you work under pressure?
Megatron: I am not going to try to fool you. When I stressed, there is a better than average chance I am going to shoot Starscream in the face.
FedEx/Kinkos: Will you relocate? Does relocation bother you?
Megatron: After coming from a distant Galaxy, moving to Augusta isn’t all that, as long as it’s near a power plant of some kind.
FedEx/Kinkos: Are you willing to travel?
Megatron: Sure I love to fly.
FedEx/Kinkos: Are you willing to spend at least six months as a trainee?
Megatron: FOOL, have you no idea who I am?
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